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I have been addicted to pornography and masturbation since I was 12 years old. I would look at different pornographic magazines and masturbate at various bookstores growing up. I continued this addiction throughout my high school life and I took this addiction to college with me. I grew up in the church and knew what I was doing was wrong but did it anyways (just like Paul speaks about Romans 7). In college, I met the love of life and knew that God gave her to me to love and cherish always. The thing that was a wedge in our marriage was my pornography and masturbation addiction. I would look at different pornographic websites when she was at work and I was by myself at home masturbating. I wanted to be the husband that God has called me to be but pornography and masturbation always loomed its ugly head. Pornography and masturbation caused me to not be the godly father and husband that I was created by God to be.
In May 2009, after my wife and I watched Fireproof, I related to Caleb and told myself that I needed to make a change. I was doing well but 6 weeks later I was back at it again…looking at pornography and masturbating.
It wasn’t until May 16, 2010 that I heard the small, still of God telling me that I needed to change because it was my eternal life on the line. I fell to my knees and cried to the Lord to please break the chains of pornography in my life for good. I told Pastor John and other Christian men that I have met through the Every Man’s Battle website and Facebook group page about my pornography and masturbation addiction. Six weeks later, I looked at pornography and masturbated but I felt guilty and ashamed with myself. I cried to the Lord and told him that I do not want to look at pornography and masturbate ever again. I leaned on the other Christian men in my life for support and encouragement. God told me that “Son, you are forgiven. I love you and I will hold your hand through this storm. You are not alone.”
On June 29, 2010, I left my pornography and masturbation addiction at the cross and never looked back. On October 7, 2010, I celebrated 100 days of being pornography and masturbation free surrounded by 4 other Christian men in my Life Group. I give all the glory to God for breaking the chains of pornography in my life forevermore. On October 29th, I celebrated 4 months of being pornography free.
God has taught me some wonderful things on this life changing journey that I hope can help you, too. First, in order to ward off the temptations of the devil I put on the armor of God every single day. The struggle that I face “is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms (Ephesians 6:12).” Every morning as I arise I pray that the armor of God would be on me. Next, God has taught me to not fight this battle alone. This is when Satan will attack you the most. You need to surround yourself with other Christian men who can support and pray for you. As Solomon says in Proverbs 27:17, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Finally, I learned that the only way to stay close to God is pray to him and read his Word daily. I have memorized battle verses that I can go to when I feel tempted. My favorite one is Proverbs 18:10 “The name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous run to it and are safe.” If you call on the name of the Lord, he will deliver you from this temptation. I have done it numerous times and it does work.
I give glory and praise to God every day for breaking the chains of pornography and masturbation in my life and my life is so much better because of Him. I love my wife and daughter more and more each day with the love that the Lord has shown me. My eyes have been opened to God’s beauty around me.
If you are dealing with a pornography and masturbation addiction, God wants to break these chains. He did that in my life and I know that he can do it in yours.
WOW! What a story! Thanks Brian for the encouragement to me and to many others who will visit this site. God bless you in double double portions.
I started looking at pornography and masturbation about a year ago. It started as curiosity being a 20+ year old virgin. I cant talk about it with anyone and I really want to stop. I do it once in a while..have a month or two where I stop and then something happens and I start up again.
I don’t want to get addicted, I don’t want it to ruin my sexual future with my husband God willing. sometimes I think it would be easier just to have sex so that I can stop this.. I am frustrated and disgusted with myself.. I don’t have a circle, or anyone I can trust with this but I know I need God to get me out of this hole I am getting into..
Hey Lost and Afraid,
I thank God for the grace she has accorded you to share your struggle. I want to tell you that God will deliver you from this, you are not too deep into it. I have counselled women who got out of this and are on their way to healthy relationships. You can do this through Christ your deliverer. I am glad that you are dealing with this at a the level where you are at. Spiritually, sexual sin opens spiritual doors that you have to close in prayer. Believe me, I used to think that I could replace the issue with sex but thats just fueling the problem. You have to deal with the root cause of why you watch porn and masturbate. Please ask yourself why you do it. Please call to get prayer when vulnerable and an accountability partner to start with.
hey, i love this because it is a first step to recovery, you have shared… there is nothing tooo big for our God and He will deliver you am a gal as well and i can relate and trust me sex will accelerate it. do not give up hope just trust God and dont try stopping by your own stregnth Trust God he will see you through it. if possible istopped can connect us and we talk more thats iff your willing. all is not lost dear HE who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. you can do all things through Christ Jesus
Recovering Addict, Wow again, Your story is amazing and encouraging. I totally relate to it. I thank you for taking the time to blog about your story and offering to help. If you ever feel like you are about to fall, call someone, use a life line because your life in eternity will depend on it. I totally agree with you on your last quote. Just when you think you have made it, the evil one plans a seed of pride and Pride comes before a fall. God bless you in your walk in this journey. I would be touched if I had the opportunity to chat about your journey. email me on email@example.com or call on the contacts above.
First I have to compliment you on your courage to be able to stand in church and say you once struggled with Pornography and Masturbation, it takes heart and courage to do that and I salute you, kudos man,
Well here’s my story, it more or less relates to yours
When I was Std 3 when I got molested by some older boy in school and I think that opened the door to homosexuality for me. Ever since that happened, my entire life changed for the worse. A year passed after I had been sexually abused and I met another guy who had been through the same experience as I had and we more less bonded in a un-natural manner cause I felt like I could easily relate to the guy and we ended up hooking up sexually and from that day av hooked up with several other guys, got addicted to pornography and masturbation and did a pretty good job at ruining my entire life.
I gave my life to Christ mid last year did Mizizi, and resolved to put and end the gay life style that I have been living, but to be absolutely honest with you, it has not been easy for me. The strong Homosexual desires keep driving me back to the life am trying to run away from, am still addicted to gay porn and masturbation, and occasionally I end up hooking up with random gay guys when the going gets way too hard for me to handle or when am under stress.
Am really trying to stop but its proving to be an attempt in futility. I was in the verge of giving up on my desire to live a heterosexual life, that was until I saw you speak in church this morning and its encouraged me give it another try.
I know I need help cause on my own I can’t manage, I long to live a natural healthy life, and maintain a natural relationship with a woman, free from homosexual interruptions. I don’t know, maybe you might be able to help me achieve that, thats why am writing to you. I hope to hear from you soon,
It takes balls to share your story, so thank you and the fact is you will get through this through Christ who strengthens you. I totally relate to what you have gone through. God wants you to know that He will accept you as you are. As I explained, God’s grace is sufficient for all. You are a candidate of true worship. Just like any other sexually immoral act, homosexuality thrives in secrecy. I will urge you to do something very bold, pick up the phone the next time you are vulnerable and contact someone who can pray with you. When you are in the car about to pick up the guy is not the time to resolve to get out of the situation. Time to deal with it is at thought level.
Please take my contacts and call me sometime so that we can pray and chat more about a solution.
Hi Nate T,
God’s love is so beautiful you cant handle it, so gentle it keeps you in perfect peace. At no one time will you Come to God in repentance and he will push you away. He will love you, help you carry on the battles of your life.
The Devil on the other hand will do his best to magnify your sin and make you feel like a loser and that God wants nothing to do with you. (That is what he does best). He is the father of lies.
Prayer is the best weapon you have against the enemy.
Hope in God and His unfailling love will not let you down.
Am praying for you.
As i saw you go up there and say i stopped i was so jazzed i kept wishing that i would get such an opportunity to share especially on behalf of and with the gals. Because i am a gal, and we gals are really not allowed to have this struggles i mean lets face it; its easier for boys to go through it coz of the pressure that comes to them from their peers one thing they do not know is that even gals go through the same thing. i was introduced to porn by my gal pals and just like you; stuff happened to me when i was young so it was fun to watch at first and then it became an addiction that equally leads to masturbation. Let nobody deceive you that you can watch porn and not masturbate, even though not constantly trust me you will. nwai it got so bad i could watch a whole tape (that was then) or DVD for hours. to make matters worse i read a newspaper article that praised masturbation and said it wasnt bad so due to my lack of knowledge i took that advice and ran with it. little did i know i was hurting myself. even after i got born again i still went on. it was like a recurring disease. but everytime i watched, i could feel guilty very guilty and this was the beginnig of my turning point. i prayed and began to share with my closest friend who was born again and we began the journey. every time i would mess up i would come tell her and she would seriously encourage me and sometimes rebuke me as the Bible says “Confess your sins one to another and pray for each other so that you may be healed…” James 5:16 it has been and still is a struggle but God has slowly brought me out of it. i can testify of the power of prayer and just letting God deal with it. trying to stop by my own stregnth is futile because i tried one too many times and i found myself going back every time. Sexual bondage is an everyday struggle and you can come out of it. i always say that if i did then everybody can and its not because of who i am but because of who God is. it has been a while since i watched porn and note: porn is bad to the extent the pictures and graphics remain in your head and that is why our constant prayer should be for the renewal of our minds. i started by burning all of my collection.(if your wondering what you should do there is a tip) As for masturbation every time a thought just crosses my mind i take initiative to ensure that i walk around or keep myself busy e.g. if i was sitted watching a movie, i wake up and go wash dishes or go to the shops just something to get my mind of the gutter. another strategy that works, is i call my friend and tell her whats up and we will talk and by the time we are done ill be ok, so if you have a close friend then you can call them. the best of all is prayer; and this is how it goes,”thank you God for this feelings i acknowledge that i am normal but dear Lord it is not time to excersise them feelings right now so please Daddy take them away and let me have them when it is the right time in Jesus name i pray Amen” this works miracles all you have to do is believe that he is going to do it and God never dissapoints. i call my self recovering addict because Life is a Journey and we are all on a salvation journey every day with its newness comes with struggles and restoration. am open to any one who wants any help we can walk together ill end with a quote i love, Be careful when you think your standing you might just be sinking…
yours in Christ
I will keep you in prayer Recovering Addict. Thanks for sharing your story, it is so similar to mine. The annoying thing is that Kenyans and the church have not been outspoken about this for over 10 years. It’s time to speak, its time to say “I stopped, so can you!”.
Kindly frequent the blog and keep encouraging those in this tough journey.
now now now this is a debate i have thought about for a long time… and i have serious questions, and clarifications.. coz i have also read those sections of the bible you have quoted and somehow i have adapted the thinking its not wrong.. and i can back it up with evidence from the bible.. however i am open to a change in perspective. but i like the way you came out there to air what you have in your mind.. it gives others a platform to challenge the ideas thereby learning..
Hey Just wondering,
I totally agree with what you are saying. I was were you are at right now, justifying my actions with the word and so on. The one thing that changed is that, the Holy Spirit opened my spiritual eyes to see the truth in the word. My prayer for you is for God to reveal the truth about this issue to you. May your mind be renewed through te word. We can meet and chat more on this. The thrill that people get from porn and masturbation has been compared to a hit of Cocaine. There are a lot of truth that the evil one doesn’t want us to see. But fact is, God designed us with his own image, and he definitely would not do this act.
Hey, just wondering
I know what your talking about when you say proof from the word but you know what i have learnt in my journey of salvation is that, In every temptation or sinful act the Devil is in control and he can use the Bible verses to make it seem ok. i also justify my sins with the word but look at the Bible story where JC was in the wilderness for Forty Days and nights and the Devil came and used the word of God to tempt Him? it did not work because JC had the scripture and every time HE spoke it came to pass. Read Mathew 4:4 all am saying is that even in this circumstance it is very easy to quote scripture and justify because thats what pleases the flesh but the spirit of God that lives in us is there to open our eyes and be able just like Jesus to overcome every stone thrown to us by the enemy. Romans 8:1-17. Blessings
Amen @Recovering Addict
Ibrahim God Bless you for the good work you are doing and was really inspired by you on sunday.
I must say that the issue here is not about the porn, masturbation etc. but the CAUSE of engaging in this sins.
If one feels that the cause of resulting in porn, masturbation etc is because they were molested or exposed to sexual material at an early age, then I believe this is what we should be addressing to begin with.(not saying that porn etc is not a problem)
I still believe that the clause on the sexual offences bill by Njoki Ndungu on castration (sexual offenders should be castrated)should have seen the light of day in this country, then the sex offenders/predators would be deprived of their tools of trade!!!(If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off)
I feel the media and the internet have a very big role to play when it comes to sexual purity and sexual sin.I will rejoice the day when T.V shows will be screened, the internet more secure and adults more responsible with adult content(or do without it at all).
Why do I say this, watch NTV at 6 p.m everyday and see this programme where phillipino men hit on each other while kids are at home infront of the T.V at that hour..I shudder if they try what they see on T.V with their friends. just an example
THE ONE CAUSE FOR ENGAGING IN THIS SEXUAL SINS REMAINS IDLENESS(also read joblessness) AND LACK OF FAITH IN JESUS CHRIST(Not believing in the fruit of the spirit-Self Control and being Christians only when its convenient) FOR ME, therefore falling into temptation.
“Do not vent, invent” Mavuno church quote; this way we will be job creators and not seekers and idleness will not rare its ugly face.
I think this should be a MAJOR CAMPAIGN AND EVENTUALLY AN NGO named ” DISCOVERING SEXUAL PURITY” and not just a blog discussion.
Lets not suffer anymore and keep strengthening our Faith in Christ Ibrahim.
Silence will eat you up like cancer, and that is the best tool the DEVIL is using today.. …….
Am a woman who knows where it hurts most having been in a relationship for 6years and finding out later that he my man is addicted to porn and masturbation. Its like competing with an enemy you cant see and have no power over.
Its suffocating and can make you paranoid not knowing if you will satisty this man sexually in marriage or he will find fulfillment in porn n masturbating.
The worst part of it all is looking in his eyes and seeing a man who is broken trapped and doesnt know how to get out. A man who has lost all sense of hope and is crashed to the point of depression. This is where the real test is. DO I RAN OR STAY WITH HIM. Choices are what we have in this life.
I decided to stay with him, be a friend to him and just listen. Be the shoulder to lay his head on when the storms of life are raging against him. Offer my arms as a shelter for him when he feels vulnerable. And simply smile when i see he wants to cry…
You dont know what difference it makes when you stand by your man an support him.
We prayed together asked the Lord to help us because by our own we cant make it.
Trust in God and let it go.
As promised over lunch, I have read your blog. Very candid and quite encouraging.
I will be sure to let other people know about it!
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